Ghosts of our Pasts (A SnowBarry fanfic)
by Infinite Myth
Summary: Barry and Caitlin both start experiencing strange flashbacks of when they were Savitar and Killer Frost.
1. Chapter 1

Barry & Caitlin

Ghosts of Our Pasts

Chapter 1

Savitar watched as Barry started towards Caitlin and Cisco. He couldn't let Barry take away another thing that he loved. He finally got the girl of his dreams. He was about to become the most powerful metahuman in all the multiverse, a god even, but Barry, as always, had made those dreams come to a screeching halt, after he destroyed his suit and saved Iris from dying, which in turn destroyed any hope in Barry becoming him. And as Savitar tried to wrap his head around everything, he became angry, if Barry didn't become him, then he would never have any chance of being with Caitlin. He couldn't lose her a second time. Savitar got up and ran towards Barry, even if he was going to die soon, he couldn't let Barry ruin Caitlin's life again. He was inches away from vibrating through Barry's back when he heard a gunshot and felt his spine give way as the bullet entered through his back and out his stomach.

Barry woke with a gasp and put his hand on his back and felt a phantom pain in his spine. He rubbed his eyes and walked into the kitchen to get some water. He slipped a shirt on and watched the cars drive by, the buildings lit up the night sky. These dreams were becoming more frequent. He wasn't sure why, but with each dream came more pain, whether it be emotional or physical pain. It had been 6 months since he and Caitlin were together, it had been the best 6 months of his life until something changed in her. She decided she needed some time to think and went to live with her mother. Something that would have meant there was a problem with her. He missed her more than he could handle. He remembered her kisses than warmed his heart. He remembered their first official date. They went to Starling City and had a picnic on a cliff that overlooked the ocean. He remembered how perfectly she fit into him and how comforting it was to have her leaning against him. She smelled like vanilla. Just like the night she had gotten drunk and he had to carry her back to her apartment.

" _Barry?" She asked so innocently. He turned around to face her._

" _Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" Her eyes pleaded with him._

 _I think that was the first time he realized that maybe there was something more than friendship between them._

" _Sure, yeah." He sat down on the bed and rubbed her leg._

 _She fell asleep a few minutes after. Caitlin had asked him to stay until she fell asleep, but, he didn't. He stayed long after, just staring at her. She was so innocent when she slept. She had no cares in the world about anything. Whatever she was dreaming about was so content for her that she even smiled. It made him happy to know that she had some rest from the cruel world that she lived in. Suddenly she shot up from her bed and broke Barry from his thoughts._

" _What's wrong?" He asked panicked, putting a hand on her arm._

" _I'm gonna throw up!" Her face turned pale as she put a hand to her mouth._

 _He grabbed her and flashed to the bathroom, placing her over the toilet. Caitlin's body convulsed as she wretched. Barry sat behind her while holding up her hair, for the second time that night. She stopped throwing up and leaned her head back against his chest._

" _That burned like hell." She whispered._

" _In my opinion, Vodka is the worst liquor to throw up. That and Tequila." He wiped her mouth and forehead with a wet washcloth._

" _No shit, Sherlock."_

 _He laughed and there was silence. He scooped her up in his arms and tucked her back in bed._

 _Caitlin closed her eyes and mumbled. "Why did you stay?"_

 _Barry stared at her. "What?"_

" _Why did you stay? I said you only had to stay until I fell asleep."_

" _I don't know." He looked at his hands. "I guess I felt an obligation to stay."_

 _Caitlin slowly opened her eyes and looked at him. "You know, you act all rough and tough, but underneath it all, you're like a teddy bear."_

 _Barry laughed loudly. "A… teddy bear?"_

" _Yeah. You have a button nose…" she poked his nose. "And fluffy hair."_

" _You're pretty drunk, aren't you?" He touched her shoulder. "Get some sleep." He got up off the bed and started walking towards the door when Caitlin said:_

" _You are very cute, Barry Allen."_

 _He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. "You're not too bad yourself, Caitlin Snow."_

Barry smiled as he remembered the whole night like it was just yesterday. He hadn't realized how much he depended on her until she was out of his life. He drank the rest of his water and went to bed.

"If we don't act now, neither of us gets what we want." Killer Frost stared at Savitar. "Hello?" She knocked on his helmet. "Anybody home?"

Savitar reached up and slammed her against the wall, her back cracked loudly.

Caitlin sat up straight in her bed, rubbing her back, grunting softly.

"Ow." She whispered. Caitlin looked over at her nightstand to see her phone light up. It was Cisco.

 _Can you talk?_

She looked at the phone again to see it was 2:00 in the morning.

 _Yeah sure._

The phone rang and she picked it up.

"Hey Cisco."

" _Hey! How's it going?"_

"Cisco, why did you want to talk at two o'clock in the morning? You do know that's usually the time when you sleep."

" _Well obviously you were awake too. Or else you wouldn't have seen my text."_

Caitlin sighed. "What do you want to talk about?"

" _Are you ok? I haven't heard from you in a few weeks. This is the first time that you've replied to my texts or calls."_

"I've been busy." She twisted her hands.

" _With what?"_ Cisco huffed. " _You just up and left three months ago and didn't tell us why."_

"It's personal."

" _So personal you won't even tell your best friend? Did Barry do this to you? I swear if he did something I'll vibe him across….."_ He didn't get to finish before Caitlin cut him off.

"It's not his fault. Cisco, I'm sick."

His voice dropped from playful to dead serious. _"What? With what?"_

"Stomach Cancer."

" _How long have you known?"_

"Three months."

He groaned. " _Caitlin, I'm so sorry. Can it be treated?"_

"Not so far. I've tried everything. My mom has tried everything. There really isn't much else I can do. It's pretty much a hurry up and wait situation." She chuckled slightly.

" _And Killer Frost?"_

"Still gone. It's like there isn't an ounce of her still in me."

" _Have you talked to Barry at all?"_

Caitlin's end of the phone went silent. "I haven't talked to him for 4 months, Cisco."

" _You should call him, Caitlin."_

"I can't do that. I love him too much. If he doesn't know it'll hurt less when I'm gone."

" _Don't talk like that. What if he can fix you?"_

"How would he be able to fix me?"

" _I don't know, but it's worth a shot."_

"I have to go. Thank you for calling."

" _Wait, Caitlin!"_ His voice wavered. " _Don't ever forget that I am here for you."_

A small tear fell from Caitlin's eye. "I know."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Even though Barry had been with Caitlin, he still remained friends with Iris and started to realize he was hanging around her a lot more than when he was with Caitlin. She helped him feel like he had a purpose. He was still the Flash, he still was a forensic scientist, but refused to go to S.T.A.R Labs. It just reminded him of Caitlin. The bell on the door rang as Barry walked into Picture News and saw Iris sitting at her desk. She looked over at him and smiled.

He walked over to her, hands in his pockets. "Hey."

"Hey, Barr!"

"Ready for lunch?" He asked.

"Of course!" She grabbed her purse and walked out with him.

He had made a habit of going to lunch with her every Wednesday, just to let each know how the other was doing.

They walked into CC Jitters and sat across from each other at the same table they always sat at.

"How are you doing, Barry?" Iris looked concerned.

Barry rubbed the back of his neck. "I had another dream last night. Iris, they keep getting worse. The more dreams I have, the more I miss her."

"What was the dream about?"

"It wasn't so much a dream as it was a memory. I was Savitar, and I felt afraid. Afraid of losing."

"Afraid of losing what? The battle?"

"I was afraid of losing Caitlin. I was afraid that I, Barry, was going to push her away. I was afraid that if I didn't do anything, Barry would choose you over Caitlin and leave her broken."

"Did anything happen to you? Does anything hurt?"

"Everything hurts, Iris." He looked up at her, eyes full of tears.

Iris got out of her seat and sat next to him. "It'll be okay, Barry." She put her hand on his neck, resting his head on her shoulder. She slid her hand onto his back and he winced.

"What?" She lifted his shirt and looked at his back. There was a large bruise in the middle of his spine. Iris gasped.

"Where did this come from?"

"From when you shot me."

"What? I didn't shoot you, what are you talking about?"

"When I was Savitar, you shot me. Don't you remember?"

Iris blinked. "But that wasn't you."

"Not in real life. No. But in my dream last night. The memory of you shooting Savitar effected me."

"I'm…sorry?" She shrugged her shoulders innocently.

He chuckled lightly. "It's okay."

"Barry, I hate to say this but, I think you should go to S.T.A.R Labs. They could help you."

"No." He shook his head violently. "I can't Iris. Besides, Caitlin isn't there to examine me so there isn't any point in going. Trust me, they can't help."

"Please, Barry. If not for me, then do it for Caitlin. If she was around, she would want you to do this."

Barry stared into her pleading dark brown eyes. If he went back there, all the memories would follow. But he couldn't keep having these dreams. They were going to be the death of him. Maybe even literally.

He sighed. "Okay."

Barry and Iris left Jitters and drove to S.T.A.R Labs. As he walked in Cisco, who was sitting in his spinning chair at the computer with a sucker in his mouth.

"Hey guys." Iris smiled at Harry, who was fixing something.

"Oh, hey Iris." Cisco swung around to face her and his sucker fell out of his mouth when he saw Barry.

"Holy Gorilla Grod! Barry! What are you doing here?!"

Barry shrugged and chuckled. "I'm here to be fixed I guess."

Harry walked over to him and put out a hand. "Allen."

"Harry." He shook his firmly.

"What seems to be the problem?" Harry asked.

"Barry is having dreams that are effecting him. Physically." Iris stood next to Barry.

"What do you mean?" Cisco asked as he sat up from the chair.

Iris lifted Barry's shirt up in the back.

"How did you get that?!" Cisco went over to him.

"The dreams I have been having." Barry stopped and closed his eyes. "They aren't dreams. They're memories. From when I was Savitar. You remember when Iris shot him, right?"

Cisco and Harry both shook their heads.

"This is from the gunshot wound. I am Savitar in my dreams. I feel everything he felt, everything little detail. It's like, I'm reliving a past life. My dreams are affecting me physically."

Harry stared at him. "Are you at all connected to him emotionally?"

"What'd you mean?" Barry stared back even though he knew exactly what Harry was talking about.

"Is Killer Frost or Caitlin in these dreams?"

He stood speechless. "I….well…"

"Answer truthfully, Allen."

"Yes. Every dream, no matter where I am, she's there beside me."

"Cisco, you should tell him." Cisco shook his head.

"No, I can't! You know that! She strictly forbid me not to tell him!"

"What are you talking about?" Barry asked.

"Ramon, you need to tell him."

Cisco huffed. "You might want to sit down." He pulled Barry into the chair next to him.

"I called Caitlin last night."

"And?" He looked at him. "You call her all the time and she never answers."

"She answered…"

Barry sat forward and looked deep into Cisco's eyes. But it was a hurtful look.

"What did she say?"

"Barry…" he stopped to take a breath. "She's sick."

Barry's heart felt like it had been ripped out of his chest. It hurt worse than when he had been shot by Iris.

"What with?"

"Stomach cancer."

He ran a hand through his hair and exhaled slowly. It was dead silent.

"Barry…..?" Iris put a hand on his shoulder.

He jerked his shoulder back and flashed out of the room.

"I'll talk to him." Iris went to walk out but Cisco cut her off.

"No. Let me do it."

Cisco walked into the speed lab to see Barry sitting on the treadmill. He sat down next to him.

"You okay?"

Barry looked at him. "No." Was his simple answer. "Is that why she left?"

"Yeah." He licked his lips. "She didn't want it to hurt as bad."

"She thought it wouldn't hurt as bad?!" His eyes pierced Cisco's soul.

"Look Barry, It's not like that. She meant that it wouldn't hurt as bad when she…" Cisco stopped himself from saying it. He couldn't do that to Barry. He was already heartbroken that she was sick let alone hear that she was dying.

"I need to talk to her." He stood up, but Cisco grabbed his arm.

"She doesn't want you to see her. Not in her current state."

He had a far off look in his eyes. "Wait. Stomach cancer can't just come up like that. We went to a Doctor's convention only days before she left, and she got an examination. There was nothing wrong with her then. Cisco…" He stared. "How long did you talk to her?"

"I don't know, maybe five minutes?"

"Five minutes." Barry mumbled and ran his finger through his brown hair.

"Why?"

"Five minutes is the amount of time I got for a phone call at Iron Heights. I doubt that she's sick at all. Cisco, I think she's been captured."

"That would explain why she wouldn't talk about you or why she couldn't call you." Cisco put a hand on his shoulder. "But how do we know where she is? She could be miles away, maybe countries away."

"I don't know, man." Barry put his head in his hands.

"You're our leader, Barry." Iris walked in.

"So lead us." Harry finished. "What do you want us to do?"

"I need to somehow talk to her. In person."

"Do you need me to call her?" Cisco asked.

"No." He looked at him. "I'll call her."


	3. Chapter 3

Caitlin sat on her bed playing with the cuffs around her wrists. She wasn't trying to escape because she knew better. She had tried it many times before, and she failed every time. Suddenly her door creaked open.

"Good morning!" Eobard came into the light of the lamp on her nightstand.

"Good bye." She rolled over on her side and faced the wall.

"Now, now." He walked over to her. "It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining." He opened the shades on the window. "You should try to get out." Then he sucked his teeth. "Oh, but you can't I forgot. You're chained to the wall." Eobard laughed. The sound of his voice alone was enough to make Killer Frost return. Even if she still was nowhere to be heard from, Caitlin still felt her presence every time he came around.

"But, it's not all bad. At least I allow you to have a cell phone."

"Right." She turned to face him. "And it's not like you aren't on the line listening or seeing all the texts I make."

Eobard grabbed her hair. "You keep it up, your father will be dead within the minute. You know all it takes is one quick flash to the other room and…" he traced a finger over his throat. "Any luck of him finding a cure for your multiple personality problem, is in the wind." He softly let go of her hair and stoked her face.

"I must say, I understand why Barry is head-over-heels for you. You're a lot better than Iris. Honestly, I never knew what he saw in her."

"Someone seems a little jealous." She slightly cocked her head to the left. "I don't think you're his type.

He was about to reply when her phone rang.

Barry Allen (:

"Speaking of the Devil." Eobard smiled.

"Leave." Caitlin stared at him.

"I can still hear the call even if I'm not in the room." He sneered.

"I don't care. Get the hell out!"

Eobard walked out slowly as Caitlin answered the phone.

"Barry?"

"Hey, Cait." She felt her heart melt as he said her name.

"Wha-what's up?" She stuttered.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm, uh, fine." She looked over at the camera in corner of the room. "Just, um, you know, spending some time with my mom."

"Caitlin are you really at your mom's?"

"Of course!" She scoffed. "It's not like I've been captured or something." She laughed.

"Why can't I track your phone?"

"Wow! You're that desperate?" She tried sounding sarcastic while she wanted so desperately to have him tack her phone.

"I'm worried about you. I-I miss you, Cait." His voice somehow calmed her.

"I miss you too Barry. But, I can't be with you right now…" She was cut off.

"At least let me see you, so I know you're actually okay. Can I come to your moms to see you?"

"NO!" She replied franticly. "I'll come see you."

"O-okay." Barry replied. "When?"

"Does tomorrow night work?"

"Uh..yeah!" She could hear the excitement in his voice. "Where do you want to meet?"

"I'll meet you at your apartment around seven o'clock tomorrow night."

"I'm looking forward to it." He said almost in a whisper.

"Me too." Her heart fluttered. Just then Eobard quietly opened the door and tapped his watch. _It had already been five minutes?_ She thought.

"Look Barry, I have to go."

"Cait, wait!"

"I'll see you tomorrow." Then it went silent.

Barry sat looking at his phone then looked up at Cisco, Iris and Harry.

"Did you time that?" He asked franticly.

"Yeah." Cisco typed on the key board. "It was exactly five minutes."

"I knew it." Barry whispered.

"Could you track her?"

"No." Cisco looked disappointed. "I'm sorry, Barry."

"It's ok." He put a hand on his shoulder. "Do you think she'll meet me tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I do. She told you she would, and she won't let anything get in her way of that."

He shook his head. "Yeah."

"You'll meet him tomorrow eh?" Eobard asked.

"Would you prefer I have him meet me here?" Caitlin retorted back to him.

Eobard slapped her face. "Listen to me. You _will_ meet him tomorrow, but you will to have earpiece in."

She stared at him with icy eyes. "Don't you think he'll check me for those things?"

"Fine." He growled. "But I'll be outside in the car and you will only have 15 minutes to talk." Then he walked out slamming the door behind him.

12 hours later….

Cisco sat on the arm of Barry's couch with a beer in his hand.

"Dude. You have super speed. How does it take you this long to get dressed?" He tilted his head back, yelling towards the ceiling.

Barry flashed down the staircase.

"I can't decide what to wear!" He looked in the mirror and flashed back upstairs. His lightening zipping around him.

He came back down and flared his arm out.

"Well?" He turned around. "What do you think? Is it too fancy? It's too fancy isn't it? Yeah I though so." He started to go back up when Cisco stopped him.

"Barry, you've been trying on clothes for over a half an hour. I don't think I even have that many clothes. How do you?"

"Look man. This is will be my first time seeing Cait in over 3 months. I have to look good."

"Dude. You need to slow down, take a breath, and just pick something that looks good!" Then mumbled. "I've seen a girl take less time to get ready."

Barry rushed upstairs one more time then came down with black jeans and a grey and blue button-down shirt on.

"Ah! Finally Praise Jesus." Cisco stretched his arms to the ceiling. "Ok. She'll be here any minute."

"Yeah, ok!" Barry breathed heavily as he sat on the couch next to Cisco.

"What if it goes wrong?" He looked over, his green eyes bulging.

Cisco tapped the beer bottle on his head. "Calm _down_ , Barry." Then handed a beer to him.

"No, I can't. I just brushed my teeth." Barry unconsciously straightened his shirt and hair.

 _Wow!_ Cisco mouthed.

Suddenly a light knock came at the door. Barry shot up from the couch and turned to Cisco.

"Do I look ok? How do I smell?"

Cisco just stared. "Go answer the stupid door!"

"Oh, right!" Barry jogged over to the door. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hey Barry." She gave him a warm smile.


	4. Chapter 4

He should have taken a bigger breath. Caitlin stood in front of him in a black skirt with a slit on the side and a grey shirt with lace that climbed up her arms. It felt like he had been hit in the chest with an anvil. He couldn't breathe.

"Hey Cait." He almost whispered.

She went into the apartment and sat on the couch.

"Can I get you something to drink? Water? Vodka?" He said the last one with a smirk.

Caitlin looked up at him with her big brown eyes and smiled brightly.

"Water is fine."

He came over with a glass of water and handed it to her.

"So, how's your mom?"

She gulped down her water silently. "She's…..my mom." She chuckled.

"Caitlin…." He put a hand on her arm and she shivered.

She reached over, putting a hand around his neck and pulling him towards her. When he was close enough to feel her breath on his neck, she whispered into his ear.

"Thawne."

Barry stared deep into her hazel eyes.

"What?!"

She looked at her watch. It had already been 10 minutes. "I don't have time to explain everything. I'll be alright. But you can't come after me or…" Her phone vibrated.

It was Eobard.

 _Time's ticking!_

"I have to go." She got up and walked towards the door when Barry grabbed her arm. She suddenly felt electricity coursing through her. She felt…. _.alive._ Time had stopped within that moment. Caitlin looked up at Barry and saw his lightening circling around them.

"Whoa. That feels weird."

"You're in Flashtime. I can only have you in here with me for a few minutes. You're body can't take it for too long. It will shut down. But until then, tell me everything you can."

"Before we-I left because my mom had called me and told me my dad was still alive and he'd been captured by Eobard Thawne. I didn't know what for, but he offered to free my dad if I took his place."

"Cait! What were you thinking?" He put both hands on her shoulders.

"Barry, I believed for over _fifteen years,_ that my dad was dead. To find out he was alive was shocking enough, but that he was captured?" She shook her head.

"I understand why you did it. But it was a trap wasn't it?"

Caitlin looked down at her feet. "Yes. When I took his place, he didn't let him go. He just locked him up in a room. But I don't know where."

"Ok. Look, we don't have much time. Where is Thawne?"

"He's out in the car. If I don't go back. He'll figure out what's going on."

"Cait, you're not going back with him."

"Barry…"

"No!" He cut her off. "I won't lose you!"

"Barry." She whispered, putting a hand on his face. "I promise, I'll be ok."

He shivered at her touch. "Please be careful, Cait."

"I will." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. Barry flashed her out the door and rushed outside, looking for Thawne. When Caitlin opened the passenger's door of the truck, he saw him. That face he hated with such a passion he thought he might go kill him right this instant. But Barry knew Caitlin had a plan and knew it would be a good one. So instead, he watched them drive off and cursed under his breath. Barry wouldn't let anything happen to her. She was the love of his life. Suddenly, he couldn't realize why he ever thought Iris was the love of his life. Barry's enemies had always gone after Caitlin. Not Iris. Maybe he misunderstood sibling love with a different kind of love. She was his friend. A sister even. But looking back, he didn't understand how he could have loved her in any other way.


End file.
